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1. Mad Max
I know what you’re thinking: Nobody from Mad Max can possibly be considered a great defensive driver. Think again! Have you seen all the armor on the Mad Max vehicles?! There is absolutely no possibility that another vehicle can get through that armor and damage their vehicle or hurt them!
2. Driving Miss Daisy
For those that are not familiar with the movie, an elderly woman, Miss Daisy, wanted to keep her independence, but ended up crashing her car. After she does this, her son arranges for her to have a chauffeur. Want to know the best way that you can be a safe, defensive driver? Don’t even drive at all! Have somebody else drive you around. You will never crash into anybody or get any tickets. Plus, you can have all the margaritas you want and still make it home safe!
3. Trojan Warrior
Back in the heyday of the Trojans, they galloped around in some pretty fancy chariots. Of course, these defensive drivers had their swords and shields to use for defensive purposes to protect themselves and their chariots. How could they not be safe drivers with all their armor?
4. An Individual with a Pillow Filled Car
Have you ever driven in a car that is filled to the brim with pillows? Of course not! Most people haven’t, but that one random individual that does travel in pillow heaven would have the benefit of being super safe with all that extra padding. It’s like driving on a cloud. Every hump and bump on the road is A-Okay because he does not feel a thing! Yay for money saved because it should keep the “bodily injury” costs down… hopefully!
5. A Driver on Carmageddon
The best Carmageddon drivers were witnessed in the original, when everyone was driving cars like yours and you had to kill them. Everyone was out for blood. Of course, some might argue that better defensive drivers are in the second version… because it is safer to drive when there are absolutely no other drivers/or when only zombies on the roadway. If nobody else is around, nobody can hit you. As a bonus, you can drive as crazy as you want and there’s nobody else around to get in your way!
6. Power Rangers
Anybody that grew up in the 90’s knows that the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers vehicles were pretty awesome and when they joined together, they formed the super-powerful Megazord. No villains or other vehicles, none the less, would possibly mess with the Megazord, if they came across it on the road.
7. Demolition Derby Driver
I know, I know, the whole point in a demolition derby is crashing and completing demolishing other vehicles, so this one is a shocker. However, within those cars, the driver has special racing straps/seatbelts, that keep them firmly in their seat. In addition, typically, there are alterations to the car to keep the driver safe. Plus, they must be skilled drivers to win!
8. Michelin Man
The Michelin Man would be the safest of safe drivers. He is just made of tires, fluff, and air, so any bumps on the road wouldn’t hurt a bit. He has been representing Michelin tires since 1894, so he should know a thing or two about cars and driving!
9. Bumper Car Driver
While bumper cars can get a tad bit bumpy, these drivers could not be any safer! Firstly, they never leave the amusement park. Careening down the path at a whopping top speed of 2 mph, they are far from fast and furious! Plus, they can only drive in one direction… in counter-clockwise circles… within a 50 ft. x 50 ft. pen! Most of the fellow drivers are children that are out to get their siblings or friends. Even if the driver comes across a child that happened to develop a personal vendetta against them upon first glance, they have that lovely bumper buffer to absorb the blows of their tiny attack. Plus, there is always a competent ride attendant present to chaperone all the hustle and bustle of the two-minute ride. Bump away!
10. Someone who hasn’t bathed in over 3 months
The smellier, the better to keep other cars away! They just need to roll the window down and let their au natural Eau de Parfum do the talking. Just like the Grinch, nobody would want to touch him or his car with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
