What happens when you hit the freeway ramp?

1. When driving, I like to:

  • meditate or think about deep concepts while listening to my yoga CDs. (-1)
  • shave my beard or mustache. (-2)
  • shave my leg, armpits or other parts of the body. (-4)
  • actually pay attention to the road. (5)

2. What do you think about speed limits?

  • They’re a minimum, not a maximum. (5)
  • You’ve got to love Sammy Hagar: “I can’t drive 55.” (4)
  • I always stay below the posted speed limit. (-2)
  • I can’t make out the signs because I’m too high. (-10)

3. How often do you check your mirrors?

  • I check them before changing lanes or merging into traffic. (5)
  • I use them to check my kids in the back. (1)
  • I use them for a quick check before heading to a club. (0)
  • I check to make sure I haven’t become a vampire. (2)

4. I will not purchase a vehicle if…

  • it’s not a Honda. (0)
  • it has all-season tires. (5)
  • it wins a big award. (4)
  • I’ve had too much to drink. (2)

5. Turn signals…

  • are for old ladies. (-2)
  • let other drivers know why I’ve been slowing down for the last mile. (-5)
  • are left off as I cut into lines of traffic stopped on an on ramp. (-8)
  • tell other drivers know my intentions before I brake. (7)

6. The position your hands are on the wheel are…

  • at nine and three. (5)
  • one hand at 12. (-2)
  • a Western grip. (1)
  • What hands? I use my knees. (-5)
  • looking awesome in my black driving gloves. (-1)

7. What do you do when you receive a speeding ticket?

  • I immediately send payment. (0)
  • I get mad and then send payment anyway. (1)
  • I am so relieved my car wasn’t searched. (3)
  • I go to the court date, hoping the officer won’t show up, even though I’m guilty. (5)
  • What’s a speeding ticket? I’ve never had one. (-2)

8. When going down a freeway ramp, I…

  • • freak out about having to merge into traffic. (-3)
  • • floor it to get to the recommended speed. (-1)
  • figure out the limits of my car’s grip. (8)
  • put out a sign to establish a panhandling spot. (-5)

9. What is traffic calming?

  • It refers to things like speed bumps that reduces traffic speed. (2)
  • It’s what happens naturally when polite drivers yield to faster vehicles behind them. (5)
  • It’s a state started by rhythmic breathing, meditation and biofeedback. It’s all one road. (0)
  • The nickname given to the mix of drugs Steve Winwood needs before performing. (3)

SCORING: 0 or lower: Don’t drive. Just don’t. 1-11: Ignore this quiz in favor of Redbook next time. 12-21: Above the average, but still have more in common with Milka Duno than with Danica Patrick. 22-33: At least you know who Milka Duno and Danica Patrick actually are. 34 and above: You may as well as get one of those prepaid law services. At those speeds, you’ll need them eventually.